


Beads

by NorthoftheNorth



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Body Image, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-25 22:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthoftheNorth/pseuds/NorthoftheNorth
Summary: When England finds out that Canada has been starving himself, he gives a challenge. Whenever Mathew eats a meal he puts a bead onto a bracelet he wears to let Arthur know how he's doing. England's problem is how few beads there are by the time he has to leave.





	1. And so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> MapleTea  
> Literally inspired by the word "beads". I don't even know why.

After another world meeting, England retired early to his hotel room. He just didn't feel like dealing with everyone right now. He decided to go out on his balcony to catch a breath of fresh air.

And that was when he saw him. Illuminated in the moonlight with his shirt off and his face tilted up towards the sky. The person was standing on the balcony of a hotel room two doors down to his right. Whoever it was must have been too caught up in their thoughts to notice him. He also saw that the figure was emaciated. His ribs could be seen so clearly you'd think he hadn't eaten at all in the past month.

Then England actually thought about it. This hotel was only being rented out to nations right now; whoever that was, he knew them.

That was when it clicked for him, he did know this person, it was Mathew. Why did Canada look like that?

England checked off things in his head: alright, so he has the money to buy food, he has places to buy food available to him, there's nothing wrong with his country, and he's not sick.

He is purposefully starving himself.

The thought rang out in Arthur's head, endlessly repeating.

But, he couldn't ask him about it now though, that would just put him on edge and make him uncomfortable. He'd ask after the meeting ended tomorrow.  
________________________________________  
The next day Arthur almost forgot about what he'd seen the night before. But that day was one of those days where you can see the moon during the daytime, and that jogged his memory. He had to keep it like a mantra, saying "Ask Mathew" in his head the rest of the meeting.

It worked. By the end of the meeting he still knew who Mathew was, and what he wanted to ask him.

"Um, Canada, could I please talk to you for a second?" He asked.

Canada looked up from organizing his notes. He looked surprised that England was talking to him. "Yeah sure." He said. "What is it?"

"Are you sick, or something?"

"No, why?"

England ignored his question and asked his own. "Then, are you starving yourself?"

Mathew stiffened. "Perhaps we should talk about this in private." He said.

Arthur nodded, and they both moved out into the hallway.

"How did you figure it out?" Canada asked as they kept walking. If any of the other nations saw them they would assume they were stretching their legs after sitting down for so long.

England nodded approvingly at his choice of words. He wasn't trying to stall or pretend that England didn't know what he was talking about, or that he himself didn't know what England was talking about. He was going straight to the point. Excellent. "I saw you on your balcony." He said.

"Of course you did," Canada muttered. "I thought you were at the bar with everyone else." He said immediately afterword.

"Saying I thought is another way of saying that you didn't think at all."

"I remember you saying that before."

"And I'll say it again, so long as you keep saying I thought all the time."

"The sunset was what made me come outside. I was getting dressed into my night clothes at the time; that's why my shirt was off." Canada said changing topics. "Then I simply stayed outside to watch the stars. I was trying to find Andromeda. I must have forgotten where it is, I couldn't find it."

"I never quite understood why that was your favourite constellation." England took a deep breath before continuing, "whatever you're doing to yourself is harming you, Mathew."

"No, it's not. I'm just doing my best to stay healthy."

"Food makes you healthy."

"It also makes you fat," Canada replied.

"You won't get fat, Mathew. You've always been skinny."

"And right now, what I'm doing is just making me skinnier."

"You can't honestly believe this is good for you."

Mathew stopped walking in step with Arthur, who figured out what happened and turned to face his former colony.

"Look," Mathew said. "I enjoyed talking to you and all, but I'm my own country now and that means I get to make my own decisions. And it's not like I'll ever die from what I'm doing. We're nations! So, just get off my back about this. It doesn't concern you."  
________________________________________  
Walking back to his room after his conversation with Mathew something caught England's eye. A little gift shop was in the lobby for those miscellaneous things you always seem to need, and always seem to forget when you've gone on a trip. It also sold small toys and crafts to play with. The one that had captured his attention was a small jewelry kit.

'It's perfect.'  
________________________________________  
England knocked on Mathew's hotel room door and waited until Mathew came to answer it.

"Yes, England, what do you want?"

"Manners, Mathew."

"Fine. England, whatever is it that you desire that I could possibly help you with?"

"You're pushing it."

"No Arthur, you're the one pushing it. Now just tell me what you came to my room for so late at night when I'm already annoyed at you."

"I wanted to give you this," England said and handed Mathew a plastic bag.

Mathew quickly looked inside before looking at him incredulously. "A child's jewelry making kit? I'm not a little kid!"

"I didn't give that to you for you to use it for that purpose."

"Well? What else could I possibly do with it?"

"Use it to count how many meals you've had." Mathew opened his mouth to interrupt but Arthur motioned for him to let him finish. "You don't want me to stick my nose into your business, but I still want to make sure you're alright. Tie one of those strings in there around your wrist and add a bead to the bracelet every time you eat something. If you do this I promise I won't bother you about it again."

Canada's eyes narrowed and he stared at England in silence for a while thinking about it. "Fine," he said eventually. "I'll do that. Now leave."

England nodded. "Thank you," he said. "Have a good night Mathew."

"You too."  
________________________________________  
Arthur glanced at Mathew's wrist and frowned. 'Dammit.'

Only three beads, and it had been a total of four days so far. Nearly five considering how late it was getting to be. Only three beads. It was better than nothing, but Mathew still wasn't eating even close enough to catch up to what he had lost. Arthur's frown deepened.

He glanced up at Mathew's face and met his carefully calm gaze and impassive face before Mathew's eyes flicked back to the front of the room, back to watching his twin brother, Alfred, at the front of the room. He was talking about some random thing, again. Probably robots. Or hamburgers. Maybe even both.

"And it will be soooo cool, guys."

Yep, robots.

"How idiotic," Arthur grumbled under his breath, for an entirely different reason than Mathew's eating habits. Everyone already knew how smart Alfred was. Why did he have to act like such an idiot sometimes?

*POV Change: Mathew/Canada*

"I've got an idea!" Alfred shouted as he stood up from the meeting room table. "And it is so totally cool, guys."

"Oh great." Mathew groaned under his breath, smothering the sound with the hand holding up his chin. And, as he rolled his eyes, he caught Arthur staring at him.

'Great. Fucking fantastic. I thought he'd finally stopped watching me.' Mathew rolled his eyes again.

'Well, guess I was wrong then. Maybe if I just point out to him how much of a stalker he's being, he will stop. Maybe. Hopefully he will be embarrassed enough to finally STOP It for at least ONE meeting...or even, like, five seconds, maybe? Ugh. Never mind. He'd probably still continue, but just try to do it more discreetly. Why is he still mothering me? I'm my own country now! Not some bumbling little colony...'

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur glance at him again. So Mathew scowled and made sure to turn his face just enough towards Arthur that he would see it, while keeping his eyes politely fixed still to the front of the room and his foolish younger brother.

Just to think, he used to love poking fun at his brother's antics with Arthur. He couldn't even count the number of times the two of them had smiled when they'd caught each other rolling their eyes after yet another of America's "lectures"...if they could even be called that.

Now? Well, now that Arthur knew about what he'd been doing, Mathew didn't really know what to believe of think about it all. All he did know was that he felt ashamed every time he caught Arthur looking at him.

But really, what he chose to eat or not eat was his choice, and Arthur giving him those incredibly soft and sad, pitying, looks should change nothing!

Why was Arthur even meddling in his life anyway?

'This is none of his business.' Mathew thought as he glared at a fly lazily circling in the air above his brother's wildly gesticulating arms. It was almost impressive how obsessed his brother was with his robots. No matter how silly his ideas seemed.

Out of his peripheral vision, Mathew could see Arthur giving him another glance. Mathew hadn't thought it was possible, but apparently he could, in fact, frown even more than he had been just a few moments ago.

Astonishing. Yet another feat of nature he was capable of beyond the eyebrows the man had gracing his face.  
________________________________________  
As soon as the meeting ended, Mathew had tried to bolt from the room.

Unfortunately, Arthur was just as fast at shoving his chair back and running out of the room to catch up to him and grab hold of his suit's sleeve as he tried to leave to go to his room.

England pulled Canada close to hiss into his ear. "Mathew, this is serious. Food is essential for your health. What you are doing will impact you, more than you think it will, no matter how much you try to wave away my words with your standard, 'I'm a nation. I can't die,' excuse for the sorry state you've put your poor body into."

Mathew glared back at him. "Please, let me be clear. Leave me alone, England. This is absolutely none of your business. You've done your charity work, giving me that bracelet, satisfying whatever misguided concerns you may have. But now? I don't need the bother. Leave me alone. "

Arthur stepped back uncertainly, and shakily looked to the side, "Mathew-"

But Mathew had already shaken off his grip and darted into his room. Arthur heard the deadbolt slide across and gulped, his mouth had suddenly gone dry. He didn't have a good feeling about what was happening. Before? He had hardly paid the boy enough attention to satisfy his Prime Minister. He had his reasons for the supposed indifference. Sure, none he felt good about admitting, but...enough of that.

This…This concerned him. It truly did. Far more than anyone would think he should or would ever care about the lad.

Now? It was all he could think about.

What was happening? Where had all of this come from?

He sighed, then pulled out his cell phone. He was pretty darn sure that he had Mathew's number stored away in it somewhere...Hell. He knew he did. He had to keep himself from thinking about it constantly.  
________________________________________  
It took Arthur nearly an hour of scrolling through his phone's contact list, twice, then frantically searching through the list of numbers he kept on his computer before he remembered where Mathew's number went.

He had deleted it two weeks ago after an internal battle had raged. He had been trying to work up the courage to call Mathew and just bloody ask him out already, and, too scared of what Mathew would say after his actions, so similar to an immature kindergarten boy trying to get his crush's attention by hurting or ignoring them, had decisively seized up his phone and deleted the number. Then, in the same fervour, had done the same to the contact on his laptop. Of course, he still had his number memorized. Every time Mathew changed it, (after all, as Nations they had to keep their privacy, and goodness knows the boy would have to change his, even more, to stay ahead of his brother's CIS), he had memorized the newest darn number.

Until the latest time.

Normally, no matter how much he was pretending to ignore Mathew, he would still listen when Mathew came and told him the new number. He knew Mathew hoped someone would call him; he always went and told the bloody frog and everyone else he talked to, excepting his brother, the new number too. He just...he knew Mathew wanted someone to call him because he was lonely, and not because he wanted Arthur specifically to call. he wanted ANYONE to call. And that smarted. And that, coupled with his pretense of ignorance, had left him with a history of nearly zero personal calls to the pretty violet-eyed nation in...a very long time. It was a lose-lose situation. If he had called, Mathew would either only be thankful SOMEONE had called, or he would be sad that Arthur was maybe just taking pity on him and likely wouldn't call again, and so any feeling of happiness from Mathew from this would then only be superficial, and not the personal pleasure of hearing a loved one talking to him that Arthur wanted him to feel. However, if he didn't call, as he had, then he thought that NO ONE cared for him, and especially not Arthur.

So, he was stuck. And, caught between these confusing and conflicting emotions, Arthur hadn't known what to do. And now cursed himself for choosing the wrong path. Of all the times to get rid of his crush's number...

Of course, at the time, he was drunk and had just had a prostitute walk out on him in disgust after he'd spent the night calling her Mathew, according to her, all night long, but that's beside the point. At the time, he had thought it was reasonable, but should he have done something different?

"Right. Of course, I only remembered that particular detail after scrolling through my entire contacts list not once but twice trying to look for the bloody number." Arthur grumbled to himself, before sitting back down on the bed to properly think about the matter.

So, who would know Mathew's current number?

Oh, brother...do I really have to go talk to Alfred? Well, the two are pretty inseparable. He's probably my best option, the little bugger.  
________________________________________  
After a much too long and annoying conversation with the blasted brat, Arthur now had Mathew's number.

Of course, it was then that he had to look outside the window right at his side. And sees the bloody frog stumbling back to the hotel with his arms around a blond girl with much too much of an uncanny resemblance to Canada in his mind.

That was the last straw. No holding back.

Arthur was up and walking down the hall by the time he'd punched the last number in and saved Mathew's contact.  
The phone rings four times in his hand before Canada's voice is heard over the line.

"Uh, hi-hello?-"

"Mathew. I have a reservation in half an hour at your favourite crepe place. If you do not show up, I will be severely disappointed."

"Arthur? Is that you? But-"

"I trust you still remember the place, come in good clothing, not that silly old bunnyhug or whatever you call it sweater of yours. If you are not there within ten minutes of the aforementioned arrival time, I will call security down on your hotel room."

Done. There, that wasn't so bad, Arthur old chap, now was it?

"...Fine." Mathew sullenly replied. The phone call disconnected, and Mathew's hotel room door opened.

Arthur cheerfully smiled, and ignored the glare and seemingly permanent frown on Mathew's face.

The boy would just have to get used to it. He used to be his colony! He couldn't just let him waste away.  
________________________________________  
*Three hours later*  
________________________________________  
Their dinner date most certainly had not gone as planned.

Sitting in his hotel room, alone and bathed in the moonlight from the window close by, later on that evening, England stared out at the street below and reviewed the worst of the events, the moment when the powder keg had boomed so to say.

"I...I have eaten too much." Mathew had said whilst pushing his plate, still loaded with food, away. England looked at him sharply. They had been there hardly thirty minutes. Was Mathew truly that desperate to get away that he couldn't have kept on playing with his food and pretending to eat it? The crepes he'd bought them were expensive! Not to mention, they'd hardly been touched. Had Mathew even tried to taste them?

"You've barely eaten at all."

"But I'm full. And I know that I have already eaten too much." Mathew replied and stood up from the table. "Thank you for the meal."

Arthur couldn't think of what else to say to that and had no idea of what to do so he could only respond with a weak, "um, alright", as Mathew walked away from the table. Heading out the door and hailing a taxi down instead of his usual walking everywhere.

Now he was starting to regret how busy he had been lately. He couldn't even remember the last time he had gone out and treated Mathew to a dinner like this. How long had it been? Months? Years? Why couldn't he remember?

Wasn't Mathew special to him? How could he have not noticed this? How had his active ignoring of the other caused him even more sorrow than he had thought would come from actually outright declaring to the boy his less than innocent intentions?

How long had Mathew been like this?


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur caught up the violet-eyed blond just as the honey blond had finished packing his luggage and was going over his notes in his hotel room as he waited for transport to the airport.

"Now Mathew, I have something of a proposal for you. I believe it is a grand idea and I would very much like it if you would to-"

"I don't want to hear it." Matthew's face was sullen-looking.

England frowned, sighed, and tried again. "Now now, hear me out. Seeing as you haven't been completely inspired by the bracelet idea, how about we try something new? Only this time, I'd like you to think it up. There's more of a chance you'll keep to it if you do."

Mathew sighed, and looked to the floor before looking back up. Arthur had still caught the eye roll the other had tried to hide, but he ignored it in favour of listening to the Canadian.

"That is rather unnecessary. I'm fine. Truly. You can just go back home and forget about this, alright?"

Arthur stepped forward, shaking his head. "No, I won't. I won't forget about you this time. Not again. It shouldn't have happened in the first place."

Mathew's hard gaze softened. "Look," He said. "I don't need you babying me, but if you really like…maybe we can hang out again sometime soon? We can do a redo of that dinner. I…was not entirely fair to you then."

Arthur nodded, and gave one of the rare smiles he normally reserved for his Fae friends to the violet-eyed Nation.

"Thank you, Mathew."

After that, despite it maybe just supposed to be a one-time thing, Arthur had shown up and then kept showing up again and again…until one day when Mathew hadn't planned out his meals correctly and Arthur found him passed out on the living room floor.

As Nations, it simply wasn't really possible to go to any medical treatment centre. The secret of the Nations had to be preserved and their bodies worked differently. They healed faster and it took more to kill them.

So, all Arthur could do was try and fix this on his own.

That included, when Mathew woke up, the demand he placed on the other blond that he stay there to ensure his well-being as Mathew wasn't doing so on his own.  
Mathew, at the time, was simply too tired to argue.

Now, given a few days, and a few forced simple meals, he had a bit more energy, but was still irritated by the slightest of things. And most of the time he couldn't understand why. It wasn't like him to be irritable or cold all the time or sleepy, but he was ALL THE TIME. It was frustrating to realize and yet have his body still react as it did.

It was almost like watching a movie, like what happened was happening to someone else.

Days passed. Memories flitted through like brief flashes of clarity before waves of indifference and tiredness would hit Canada again.  
________________________________________  
"Come on, Mathew. You need to get up. There are festivities and everything happening outside. You should be happy to go out."

"But I'm not, so could you please go away?" Mathew replied.

Arthur sighed.

"Mathew, are you really not feeling well?"

"Honestly? I feel like I've been kicked in the throat by an angry horse which then decided to give me a finishing blow to the stomach."

"Sounds fantastic. Would you like some chicken soup?"

"I know you want me to say that would be splendid, but I'd rather not eat anything. I'm fine as I am now, thanks."

Arthur nodded. "Okay then. Call me if you need me." He said as he shut the door.

This is just one of many attempts Mathew makes to not eat that Arthur is fooled into believing in the first while of their living together after Mathew had his Fainting Incident, as Arthur has come to call it in his head.  
________________________________________  
"Now why don't you want to eat, Mathew?" England asked with his prolonged annoyance clearly heard within, giving a slight sneer to his otherwise handsome face and clouding his tone just enough that Mathew was able to know that he was fed up and done for with the current proceedings. But, Mathew was also quite fed up with it all too, just for different reasons than his surly new caretaker was.

"The food is cold," Mathew replied.

England was quick to have an answer to that.

"Then just nuke it."*

Mathew tried again.

 

"The coffee is too sweet."  
"Well, there's plenty of fresh coffee here! Just dump out what you have and make a new one if it bothers you so damn much!"

"How about you just leave if my refusal to eat bothers you so damn much."

"Fine. I'm leaving then." Arthur stood up, scraping his chair against the floor and turned to go then paused. "But I will be back so…so make sure that you finish eating before I come back…please." His last plea was a whisper and he hadn't the heart to say it louder, and Mathew did not let on that he had heard it either as Arthur left the room and the door closing behind him was heard shortly thereafter.  
________________________________________  
There were also times he remembered saying things he regretted later but just felt too tired to do more than ponder it and wish he felt more energy.  
________________________________________  
"Arthur, I'm fine. I do not need someone looking after me. I know how to take care of myself."  
________________________________________  
"I will simply tolerate you, nothing more."  
________________________________________  
He couldn't even always remember the instances around each one. It was confusing, and Mathew just wanted it to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*"nuke it." Is something you'd commonly hear someone tell another person if their food needed to be heated up in the microwave. I'm not too sure if this is actually commonly used, hence this lazy...um, translation?)  
> Getting this chapter out was like pulling teeth. It just would not come now matter how I tried to work on it. So now I'm putting it up as is and moving on to struggle with the next one, probs lol.  
> Please review and tell me what you think of all this!  
> Hugs and Wuvs  
> North of the North

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the dealy. As recompense, I will be posting another start to a story later on. Meant to post yesterday but work had me absolutely exhausted after sweating outside all day. 
> 
> Suggestions always welcome.  
> Please, please, please review!  
> Bye bye for now. Hugs and Wuvs 'u'  
> North of the North


End file.
